A few  thoughts recalled from my time watching the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary concert the other night on Pat’s couch while our two dogs (beautiful bitches, both) watched us:

1. At this point, Stevie Wonder is at least a minor deity. I can’t imagine a single religion that would argue.
2. John Legend is goddamned handsome and I will admit right now that I am jealous of his handsomeness. It’s fine. It’s okay. I’m okay with it.
3. Smokey Robinson would do well to take a cue from Stevie and wear sunglasses at all times.
4. Paul Simon is looking more and more like Jon Lovitz, or rather the animated version of Jon Lovitz from The Critic.
5. Paul Simon’s guitar fingernails, which are vaguely warlocky or wizardish and not at all the sort of thing a camera should zoom upon, truly and deeply freak me out.
6. The thing about his nails, I realize the more I think about it, is that they’re sort of yellow and gray, as if jaundiced, and how exactly do nails get this color? And why is he wearing a purple jacket?
7. Said Pat of Graham Nash during his and Crosby’s cameo with Paul Simon to sing “Here Comes the Sun” in a new and harmonized but definitely not impressive way: “He looks like Ted Danson on MDMA.” (Nailed it, Pat.)
8. Mr. Nash has also had way more plastic surgery than anyone who recorded “Long Time Gone” should ever have.
9. The alternative, however, which here registers as Mr. Simon’s small country’s worth of makeup caked onto his cartoon face, isn’t much better.
10. Art Garfunkel is looking more and more like the clown from the television mini-series of Stephen King’s IT.
11. Metallica’s introduction to themselves, following the set break following a rather embarrassing moment when Aretha Franklin snubbed the shit out of Annie Lennox, I suppose for wearing a t-shirt and silly hat (not to mention grin) onto Aretha’s stage: “We’re Metallica, and this is what we do.”
12. Re: Aretha, I wish, wish, wish Smokey would’ve gone with something else (“Tears of a Clown,” say) for his song with Stevie, which would have left “Tracks of My Tears” for the woman whose version, from the really great Soul ’69 album, is far superior.
13. What Metallica does does not go particularly well with what Lou Reed does, which is wander about with eyes glazed and skin sagging (which is fine, actually, the one real solution to this “problem” of aging that Misters Nash and Simon get terribly wrong, because look these are old men after all, and so let the wrinkles be the ethical argument for why we should listen, the scars, the same weathering and evidence of use that so many boot and jacket and t-shirt companies have been faking for years) and try to sing “Sweet Jane” and kind of fail, and look confused enough that Pat and I get sort of sadly quiet there on his couch, and by this point my dog’s four eyes have burned almost halfway through my body, and it’s clear that she’s ready to go even if I’m not, and so let’s say we call it a night, huh Pat?

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